First of all, I didn't include "All of the Above" to make this Poll have purpose, Okay, let's move on. Yes, 1.5 million women are physically assaulted by their partners every year, but so are 835,000 men, according to the Centers for Disease Control. Next time your little honeybee turns mad as a hornet, here's how to stop the buzzing before her fire turns to fight. You've already tried pretending to be invisible, right? How'd that work?
1. Lower Your Thermostat
Whatever you do, don't get angry. Surprisingly enough, she won't consider it righteous; she'll just get more pissed off, and a little self-righteous besides. If you feel yourself heating up, just remember that "she can't make you angry," says Paul Hauck, Ph.D.
2. Don't Feed Her Data
"A man generally tries to win an argument by coming up with facts that are totally meaningless to her" Fact: She will never listen to you.
3. Own Up . . . Maturely
Simply admit that you are wrong, whether you were actually right or wrong.
4. Tune In
"If she has a big problem," says Hauck, "you'd better listen." And don't wait till swords are drawn. Like an orgasm, anger follows a bell curve—at the top you're completely out of your mind. So if you're seeing signs of frustration (a sigh or roll of the eyes), you'd better start listening quick, for the apex is near and things are about to go downhill fast.
5. Take a Step Back
"You don't have to agree," says Staver. "But acknowledge her perceptions as real. It shows that you respect her." Often, her anger is triggered because she believes something's 1) unfair, 2) out of her control, or 3) a personal attack. Address these concerns.
6. Assert Your Eyes
If you can't make eye contact, it means you're becoming angry. But if you can, it shows you're listening. Psychologists have seen a classic pattern in marital fights: The wife gets mad, the husband shuts down, the wife goes nuts. You shut down because you want to avoid a battle, but she thinks you're avoiding intimacy.
7. Get Engaged
Ask questions. "It shows you're listening, and it implies you want to listen to her more," says Staver.
8. Use Magic Phrases
Heitler suggests three: Yes, I agree. You're right. I'm sorry. Nothing disarms an attacker faster than taking her side. So find something, anything, to agree on. We're not suggesting you cave in, but find some small plot of common ground.
9. Use Anger as a Meter
Know when an argument is about to start before it starts. It can alert you to a problem. Change the subject quickly, it might save you one year of Anger Management classes and 3 years of probation.
10. Set Limits
You get the behavior you tolerate. If her rage is a little too melodramatic, a little too frequent, a little too abusive... maybe is your fault she is angry at you because you spoil her or treat her like crap too much. Balance my friend, is a virtue.